Someone once said that most problems in life, talk back. In other words, most of our problems are to do with other people.

But I think that most of the problems we have in life, start earlier than that, I think they start with the conversations that we have with ourselves, in our minds.

And that what we experience in the outside world is largely a reflection of what is happening inside ourselves.

We look out at the world and we talk to ourselves about what we see. We sit inside of ourselves & we chat to ourselves about everything; what we like, what we dislike what we agree with or disagree with; you might be sitting out there now, doing exactly that, about everything I’ve written here.
And the quality of those conversations, will colour our decisions.

It’s been estimated that people talk to themselves at about 450 words per minute.

And that the average vocabulary is between 50 to 100 commonly used words.

The conversations that people have with each other are generally edited versions of what they say to themselves. People are generally much blunter and harsher, with themselves. And when you hear how some people speak to their family or peers, it really makes me wonder what they must be saying to themselves.

Most self talk is either questions or statements. It’s them asking themselves questions or casting judgments on X.

The question I ask is around the quality of those questions and statements are they useful and empowering or un-useful and destructive?

Remember your brain is one of the most powerful computers in existence. It has an exponentially massive data base of possibilities and stored information. But, as when using a search engine on the internet, if you type in the wrong question, that search engine will give you thousands if not millions, of wrong unsupportive and unhelpful answers.

Even the tone of voice that a person might use with themselves is important. The volume, pitch and speed. Angry, name calling condescending, victimized or confident. All of these resonate and have meaning, within a persons mind.

Some people are very hard on themselves, you’ll hear them say things like; “I’m dumb,”
“I always get it wrong,” “ I’m useless,” “Why is this happening to me”

These kinds of affirmations especially if said with real passion are very destructive and reinforce any existing disempowering beliefs.

Whoever said, that sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me, didn’t quite get it right.

A question I ask is; if you had a friend who talked to you, the way you talk to you, would you still be their friend?

Most people would answer no.

Yet they keep doing it to themselves, and it feeds their dislike of themselves &
erodes their self esteem and potential.

Lastly; and at first glance this may seem a bit odd, But I ask “who’s voice” do they hear? Is it their voice, is it Mum’s voice, Is it Dad’s, or is it someone else who was important to you when you were growing up?

If what you hear them saying is useful, great, but if its not….

Here’s a question for all of the Parents out there. Have you every caught yourself saying something to your kids, that your parents said to you as a kid, that you promised yourself, you would never say?

I teach people how to tip the balance back in their favor and those results are reflected in their day to day experiences, the achievement of their goals and their quality of life.

Back to Decision Making

Let’s come all the way back to decision making. We’ve talked about how all of these things influence our decisions, so decision making is a key ingredient right!

So the question has to be asked,

If I make better decisions will I get more of what I want?

The answer is, Yes and No.

Yes because good decision making is a key ingredient, and Yes because better decision making generally leads to better results and No because our decision making is greatly influenced and guided by what we already believe to be true and how we store and organize those beliefs.

In other words, what we imagine we are capable or incapable of. And if those thoughts and feelings aren’t useful and supportive, THAT’S where most people get stuck!

Or they get to a “Point of Choice” where they can go either left or right and instead of making a clean decision, they make an automatic decision based on their existing rules.

Learn to create better “rules” for yourself at…www.core-resourcing.com

Figuring out what’s really important to us in our lives, and then trying to get it, is what the vast majority of us spend most of our lives trying to achieve.
When you add the further challenge of trying to keep all of our life roles and responsibilities balanced, then for many people, at some level, that sense of satisfaction or personal fulfillment is just not there.

If we are lucky enough to experience that, then there’s often that underlying discomfort that comes from wondering if we can actually keep it all together.

What many people tell me, is that there are just TOO many ongoing pressures in modern life;
family, careers, education for our kids, wanting to live in a nice house in a safe community, travel, financial security, job security, personal freedoms, enjoying your retirement, your health, wanting loving relationships, and maybe wanting to be the best at something. All that means that many people feel crushed, under the weight of those needs.

And that’s the very reason why being clear about our values and goals, the things that really drive us, is at the heart of achieving our very own personal success and happiness.

That’s when many people turn to goal setting as an avenue that may hopefully, save them from their rut. But that doesn’t always pan out.
Instead it just leaves many feeling even more disillusioned than they were before.

Fighting with yourself won’t get you what you want.
One of the reasons why traditional goal setting doesn’t work is because people fight with themselves.

Now that might sound funny but when you think about it, people argue with themselves all of the time.

In the privacy of their own mind, they argue and debate what’s fair or unfair, what’s good or bad, what’s right or wrong, what they should or should not do and so on.
Often but not always, there are parts of themselves that are polarized between this or that. One goal competing with another. Or one belief working at cross purposes with another belief. Or the expectations of other people, maybe in conflict with your own.

Let me give you a few examples;

A husband may work hard long and late because it’s important to him that his wife and kids live in a nice house. And even though his family know that, they still feel an emptiness, because he’s not there.

A mother go’s to work because she has to, or because she wants a career, but then feels guilty because she believes that she doesn’t invest enough time with her kids.

Or, say someone wants to start a new business; one part of them wants to just go do it, while another part of them is to afraid to, in case it doesn’t work out.

Or one part of them wants to give up smoking while another part craves for the buzz that smoking gives them.

Or one part of them wants to loss weight while another part still needs the comfort they feel, from eating constantly.

So they are stuck; one part of them wants to have a go, while another part is afraid to, because of the perceived consequences, of either failing or succeeding.

So when it comes to goal setting. Traditional goal setting doesn’t always work because it doesn’t necessarily address those associated emotional conflicts that we experience as real things, when we think about what we want.

Life’s Big Secret

The Big Secret of how to move from frustration or paralysis to freedom and happiness.
And how to keep it all balanced in a sustainable way is actually much easier than most people think. In fact the answer to the big secret is largely, already within their reach. They just don’t know that.

For more details check out;

http://www.core-resourcing.com/VS1/